Math Jokes

As I state on the front page of this website: Math Is Fun!

Contents

Foxtrot

Topology

Fake Math?

Isaac Newton

The Argyle Sweater

What Does This Say?

Tan Line

Differentiation vs. Integration

*What is the general rule for finding integrals and derivatives?*

Pessimist vs. Optimist

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Descartes

Batman

Two Mathematicians Were in a Restaurant – An Integral Question

Two mathematicians were in a restaurant. One of them was a hard-core misogynist and claimed that women were never any good at maths, especially the blonde ones. His friend claimed that there was no difference and that women were just as capable as men. When the misogynist went for a cigarette, the other guy called over the blonde waitress.

“My friend and I are having an argument. When he gets back I’ll call you over and ask you a question. The answer you need to give is ‘a third X cubed’. Can you do that?”

“Thurdeks coobed?”

“A third X cubed.”

“A Third Ekscubed. Sure I can do that.”

The other chap comes back to the table and his friend says.

“I’ll prove to you that women are as good as men at maths. See the blond waitress; I’ll ask her a question and we’ll see if she knows any maths.”

So he calls the waitress over and asks, “What is the integral of X squared?”

As quick as a shot, she comes out with “A third X cubed.”

The misogynist is stunned. The waitress smiles and walks away.

Then she stops and calls back, “Plus a constant.”

Close To Home

From Mathematician to Plumber

One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

“This is one third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him:

“I understand your position as a professor. Why don’t you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don’t like educated people.”

So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes to complete the eight grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of the circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, he filled the white board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result he got “minus pi r squared”.

He didn’t like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the plumbers whisper:

“Switch the limits of the integral!”

Pythagoras

π-rates of the Pythagorean

Once Upon a Time, There Were Three Kingdoms – A Tale of Squires

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Calvin and Hobbes

Mathematical Limericks

Some say that limericks and mathematics go together like quantum mechanics and relativity, which is to say, not at all. But I beg to differ. I propose that limericks hold the key to unlocking the mysteries of mathematics, the rarified secrets guarded tightly by the academic elite. From the beginning, the great scribes and astrologers of ancient Egypt and Sumer understood math to be the language of the cosmos, the cryptic system that revealed the motions of the heavenly bodies. If anything, the following 5,000 years of history have proven them correct.

A mathematician confided
That the Moebius strip is one-sided.
And you’ll get quite a laugh
If you cut it in half,
For it stays in one piece when divided.

A mathematician named Gray
Says extraction of cubes is child’s play.
You don’t need equations
Or long calculations—
Just hot water to run on the tray.

A favorite project of mine
Is the value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at three,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3.14159.

Pythagoras
There’s a Grecian who pulled out his hairs
For a theorem your math teacher shares
The very first rule
They teach you in school
By adding the sum of the squares

( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3*Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9² + 0
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
is nine squared and not a bit more. —Jon Saxton (math textbook author)

Our prof summoned all her persuasion
In algebra class, that occasion:
“To an x you apply
Plus or minus a y,
To create a binomial equation.”

The Far Side

Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graph paper?

They must be plotting something!

Not necessarily a math joke, but funny anyways

Snakes

A Miracle Occurs

Shit Just Got Real

Math Word Problem

Bad Math Jokes

Sir Isaac Newton

The Real Solutions

Have you heard the one about the statistician?

Probably.

Roman Numerals

Why was the math book so sad?

Because it had so many problems.

How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail?

The message is “The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again…”

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician …

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc., extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!” and then goes back to bed.

This joke really shows what mathematics is about, i.e., taking an equation that is hard to solve as is, and reducing the equation to something that can be solved. If it can be solved, do you really need to get the answer? 😂

Pizza

Videos

Billy gets frustrated as he tries to show Ma and Pa Kettle that 25 divided by 5 does NOT equal 14… and fails.

Don McMillan

Don McMillan – Greatest Charts (Volume 1)

The Career Venn Diagram – Comedy in Place (E61)

The Difference Between A Dork And A Nerd. Don McMillan – Full Special

Additional Jokes

“101 Silly Math Jokes And Puns To Make Students Laugh Like Crazy”. 2022. Prodigy. https://www.prodigygame.com/main-en/blog/math-jokes/.

“108 Funny Math Jokes That Are Better Than A Slice Of Pi”. 2022. Bored Panda. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-math-jokes/.

“30 Funniest Jokes For Math Teachers – Math Blog For Differentiation”. 2022. Math Blog For Differentiation. https://happynumbers.com/blog/30-funniest-jokes-for-math-teachers/.

“48 Fun And Challenging Math Riddles That Sharpen Your Logic And Math Skills”. 2021. Abakcus. https://abakcus.com/42-fun-and-challenging-math-riddles-that-sharpen-your-logic-and-math-skills/.

If you are looking for a collection of fun and challenging math riddles for kids, we have compiled 48 utterly interesting math riddles from Ted-Ed for you. Almost everyone loves brain teasers like challenging math riddles. They are not only just for fun, but they are also educational. According to Edutopia, math riddles enhance students’ problem-solving skills, learning abilities, and willingness to stick with challenging problems. If you are looking for a collection of fun and challenging math riddles for your kids, we have compiled 42 utterly interesting math riddles from Ted-Ed for you. Yes, some of them have been around for centuries, and some of them are new, but we believe all these tricky math riddles keep kids entertained while quietly sharpening their logic and math skills.

“50 of the Best Funny Math Jokes and Puns For Kids (Or Anyone Who Loves Geeking Out!) “. 2021. Parade. https://parade.com/1037507/marynliles/math-jokes-puns/.

Fred. “Numerous Limericks about Mathematics.” King of Limericks, January 24, 2019. https://kingoflimericks.com/limericks-about-mathematics/.

“Math Jokes – Mathematician Jokes”. 2022. Jokes4us.Com. http://jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/mathjokes/.

Mulvahill, Elizabeth. 2021. “30 Cheesy Math Jokes That’ll Make “Sum” Of Your Students LOL”. We Are Teachers. https://www.weareteachers.com/math-jokes/.

⭐ “The Benefits Of Using Math Riddles In Teaching Mathematics”. 2021. Medium. https://mathladyhazel.medium.com/the-benefits-of-using-math-riddles-in-teaching-mathematics-f486099a5a02.

Wright, Chris. 2021. “50 Math Jokes & Puns And Wicked Wordplay Jokes”. Ponly. https://ponly.com/math-jokes-puns/.

The featured image on this page is from the TEEPUBLIC website.